...so i touched it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
