she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
