My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
