There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
