Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
