he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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