i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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