So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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