If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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