I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
