i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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