I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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