Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
