Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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