who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
