I faked an abortion last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
