You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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