So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
