Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
