Where did you get a picture of my penis
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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