this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
