Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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