Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
