boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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