it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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