I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
