I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
