Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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