i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is in my trunk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
