happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
