you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You pole danced in your parka.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
