I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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