At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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