So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
