Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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