I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
