she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
