Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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