Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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