Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
