Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
