I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
