omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
