I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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