My cat gives me a boner
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
