I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
