In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
