Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
