i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
