i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
