Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
handjob tips. give me some.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
