Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
