the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
