So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
