i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
