Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
two words...techno handjob
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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