We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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