hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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