Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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